A few years ago, my Grandma gifted me with her antique china set. When it came time for us to move, I wanted to make sure the set wouldn’t break. I found some newspaper and individually wrapped each piece – there were A LOT of pieces. Once everything was tightly boxed up, I wrote “FRAGILE, HANDLE WITH CARE” in big red letters.
At the time of our move, I was living hurt, stuck on the worst things that happened to me.
Maybe I should write “Fragile” on my forehead, so I don’t break.
Have you ever been there? Feeling like if one more thing happens to you, you will shatter in pieces?
I was reading Lysa Terkeurst’s book, “Forgiving What you Can’t Forget”, and realized I haven’t really forgiven.
Forgiveness seemed like an unjust gift to give with a hurt this deep.
“God, how do I forgive?”
Yea, I said I forgive you (because that’s what the Bible says), but I was still filled with bitterness and anger. It didn’t seem fair that I had to do all the hard work and the ones who wronged me were off the hook.
In the Bible, When Jesus is teaching the disciples how they should pray, the main theme is about FORGIVENESS.
This is then how you should pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed by your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one.
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:9-14 NIV
Jesus died so that we could receive God’s forgiveness! We should be ready to forgive everyday. When we live hurt, we can’t receive that forgiveness.
If you are like me, you might be thinking, “This doesn’t seem fair, you don’t know what this person did to me.” Let me gently say, if you are living in unforgiveness, you are actually hurting yourself.
Forgiveness is not letting them get away with it.
Forgiveness is not brushing the hurt under the rug.
Forgiveness is not reconciliation.
Forgiveness is not minimizing what happened.
Forgiveness is not a stake in the ground saying “I can’t process what happened.”
Instead, Forgiveness is a gift from God that allows YOU to heal!
I had pain and unforgiveness as far back as high school that needed addressing. Replaying the pain in my head was only retraumatizing myself.
There is an exercise in “Forgiving What you Can’t Forget” study guide where you write down the name of the person and every single hurt on a separate note card. As you lay the cards down you say, “I am choosing to forgive this person for the fact of what they did to me, and whatever my feelings will not yet allow for, the blood of Jesus will surely cover it.
Once I started to do this exercise and realized forgiving was actually healing my heart, I was able to step out of the box of hurt I was in. Bitterness and anxiety slowly started to leave, and some relationships were able to be repaired. That’s the power of forgiveness! When you let forgiveness flow from you, you no longer have to hold on to the hurt. Sometimes we think if we hold on to our pain, we will punish the person who wronged us. God has the final judgement, not you.
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath. Romans 12:19
So maybe it would be easier if everyone had a red sign on their forehead that stated their trauma. Because the people who hurt me, they were unhealed people. Something cruel probably happened to them. When you look at it this way, not diminishing what happened to you, but seeing we have all been through some things – You don’t have to limit yourself to what someone did to you.
You can forgive, wipe the word “Fragile” off your forehead, and begin to live again!
If bitterness or forgiveness is something you struggle with, I encourage you to buy Lysa’s book, link below. This book really helped me see what the Bible says about the gift of forgiveness.
