“Miss, if you start to feel claustrophobic here is a panic button you can press – and make sure you don’t move.”
Panic button?! I wasn’t panicking until after he said that. Now my mind started to race. He asked if I had metal in or on me. I don’t think I do – do I!?
I started to slowly move further and further into the MRI machine, and before I could blink I heard a loud BEEP! BEEP! How did I get here?
A few months back, I was told I had a bulging disc. Quote from the chiropractor, “You are too young to have this, did you have any trauma to the area?”
Trauma? I couldn’t help but think if he was talking about physical or emotional? I’m pretty sure I had both. My word of the year for 2023 was Strength. Now I was beginning to think God gave me the wrong word. Was it too late to change it? I felt anything but strong.
Working out and running were my ways of clearing my mind to reset and have capacity to do all things Mommyhood. Now I couldn’t even do those things. To be honest it took a while to be ok with not running. I fought it, and tried to push through, but my body was definitely telling me to stop. I think that because of the circumstances that happened to me, my self image was altered and I had this lie telling myself, “you have to be fit.” Has that ever happened to you? Maybe you have that voice in your head still. Through this injury, it forced me to face my negative self talk. Being addicted to working out is REAL. I loved running because it would give me time to talk to God and give him my burdens or praises, but lately it was for the wrong reason.
I remember one day confessing to friends about this and realized I should be thankful for this injury. It forced me to face things I didn’t want to face. It made me look up at God, the one who GIVES US STRENGTH. Here I was trying to do all of this on my own. Thinking the more fit I become my negative self image will disappear.
For we are God’s masterpiece Ephesians 2:10
Is there anything in your life that you can choose to see differently? Maybe that Job loss – now you can be with your family more because you were never home before. Or maybe that betrayal – thank goodness it happened before you were married. Whatever it is, I know that when you desperately want to press the panic button, God swoops in right beside you. He may not take you out of the situation, but he does sit with you, giving you the strength to keep going.
It’s been almost a year- pain is still there, but my outlook has changed. Praying your outlook can change too!
