Has there been a moment in time when your life turned upside down? Not just a slight 25 degrees. I’m talking about 180. For me, it was on a February night. I was sitting at the dining table, reading the devotional “Slow Down” because I desperately needed encouragement being a mom in the thick of diapers.
That’s when my husband walked through the door. I knew looking into his eyes something was wrong. He started saying terrible things happened in his family, and confessed he broke our marriage vows.
Shock set in. I felt like I was peering through someone’s window- like it wasn’t happening to me. But it was. My life as I knew it was no longer.
I heard “pray for your husband, pray for your husband, pray for your husband” on repeat. It was like a broken record. {When you hear something that is out of character for yourself, you know that is from God – back then I wasn’t one to pray out loud}.
So, in the middle of the shock, on our knees, we prayed, wept, and held each other.
The days-months-years to come felt like I was pushing a car, uphill. I could see where I wanted to be but I was at the bottom of the mountain, feet sinking in mud. I was stuck.
How could this happen? We are in ministry; we are doing all the “right” things. Shouldn’t we be exempt from this kind of pain? I knew that was foolish to think.
Being in ministry is good, until you forget about your family.
1 Peter 5:8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
On top of my marriage unraveling, I was struggling with a newborn, our finances weren’t in good shape, my job was stressful, and I couldn’t trust anyone. All of this COULD’VE/SHOULD’VE been a recipe for disaster.
When I felt like I had lost everything, the one thing that no one could take away from me was my hope. I BELIEVED that God was good. I BELIEVED that he could redeem this. I had seen him work miracles in my life before and I KNEW he could do it again.
What about you? Do you know about his goodness? Do you choose not to believe it? When life hits you this hard, how do you survive without God?
Psalms 107:12-16 They cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness, and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron.
It wasn’t until I discovered that God reveals things hidden in our hearts ONLY in our upside-down seasons. No one is perfect, only God. I had put my husband on a pedestal in the place where God should’ve been all along. I had to let go of what I thought my life would look like and let God lead. When I realized this, it was like God said, “Ok, NOW we are getting somewhere.”
So, we started to do the hard work to heal, reconcile, and forgive. It wasn’t an overnight change-a neat present wrapped in a pretty bow. It took time, counseling, and TRUSTING in God. The easy way out would’ve been to give up, forget it happened, and choose unhealthy ways to cope. But we knew if we could humble ourselves & get through this storm, we would make it out on the other side STONGER than before.
For years I did not want to share this part of our story- honestly, who would? But when we saw marriages ending all around us, we realized maybe this is our most important story to tell. Maybe we should share this. If our testimony, can help save 1 marriage- 1 family it’s worth it.
Maybe your upside down is not infidelity. Maybe it’s:
- infertility
- a health problem
- drug addiction
- financial problems
- abuse
- loneliness
- a death
Whatever it is, God can take your mixed-up life and turn it right side up. The best part is that God doesn’t just put your life back together exactly how it was- He makes it better!
There are so many beautiful things that God did (still doing) in the “in between” as we are working on our marriage. But long story short, we finally got out of the mud. WE ARE A TESTIMONY OF HIS GOODNESS. He used our worst pain and turned it into a masterpiece. I believe God can do that for you too!
James 4:8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.
If you are reading this and your life has just turned upside down, I am sorry. Oh, how I wish I could fast forward time to skip over the mess. But the healing process is needed. You need to know God doesn’t like the pain that you are going through. He hasn’t left you. And that car you are pushing up the mountain, open your eyes- God is right beside you, pushing too. God loves YOU. You are going to make it.
If you need prayer or guidance, I would love to do so. Or reach out to a trusted couple.
Do NOT do this life alone.
